"Down again -- it seems a losing fight Yet, down again, I sit, to try to write" -Ted Leo

I was trying to think of something to blog about, and I was reading through my journal and found amazing haiku's, poems and short thoughts that perfectly piece together my life of the past few months, like:


"Dear self, door numbers one and two sucked. Next time take cash option."


"Reminder to self, don't trust ANYONE.
Living in matrix type world.
Take the pill that allows you to eat steak."


"Haiku:
I dated a boy
He sucked worse than your mother
Damn it all to hell"


"A stranger in her own world
Colors mix and sway
Finger painted smiles drip
And swiftly change to grey

Dip your hand in ink
And leave your mark upon the day
Don't worry what the others think
What they see in you, or say

Close your eyes and paint the image
That so boldly clouds your view
They see only whats been painted
But not what resides in you"


"Painted something amazing. Describe it? Puddle of oozy mess.
But it has my hand print on it and that makes it kindergarten greatness."


"Funny how life goes full circle and whats past finds you again.."


"I ate word soup today... oddly it tasted like chicken..."


"Well, sometimes you know whats going on. Sometimes you don't. Sometimes what you think you want is exactly what you really DON'T want but don't know it. And sometimes amazing things are coming to you and you need to be patient and wait. Sometimes life's a roller coaster that doesn't seem to ever stop. Sometimes it's a sailboat with out any wind standing perfectly still. But all bad ends. Good things arise. And happiness finds you. And sometimes you are so amazed at what life gives you, you cant even express yourself. Sometimes."

Is amazed at amazing things

I love moving. Honestly. It has to be one of my favorite things. I LOOOOVE changing. I love big changes, little changes, hard changes, easy changes. I love it.
I love moving to new places and starting over. I may hate when relationships end, but I love the stronger I get through each situation. I love changing jobs, even though it sucks being the new guy. I love proving myself and working hard. I love that each day is a new day to change who you are. I love big changes as well as small ones. Changing my hair color, my room arrangement, my facebook statuses. I love change.

What I don't like.. is the moment right before the change. The worry, stress, fear. I love when it's happening and after it happens. But I hate the still before. My mom and I are moving out of our house soon. We have 30 days. It sucks. But there it is. And I'm excited, even through the stress. A new start. A new place. I have an amazing job, a new life I'm starting, I'm a new me and now a new place.

I really don't know if or where this is going anywhere. I just had to say it. Sigh.

Life is really great right now.

Christmas is going to be amazing this year. I have amazing friends and an amazing family. I'm so thankful. I sound like a hallmark card.

-Leslie-

“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.”

There are a few things about people that get under my skin:

1. Those who refuse to take responsibility for their screw ups

2. Those who blame their screw ups on others

3. Those who lie and fain ignorance so they won't have to take responsibility for something

I say this because all THREE are dwelling inside of a woman I work with. She is the LEAD in the Infant 2 class and it's pissing me off because I have to work with her. I have been blamed by her for more things than I care to talk about. I don't have a problem admitting when I'm wrong, if I screw up I'm sorry and I'll try to do better. There is no need to blame someone else.

*Today, two kids had scratched necks and she had no clue how they got there. She was alone with the kids all morning, if anyone knows, SHE DOES.

*I opened the cabinet to get food ready for a child and GNATS flew everywhere. I knew there was something gross up in there. And there shouldn't be. There should be NO FOOD that isn't bagged or in a jar up there. NOTHING. So I get up on a step ladder (cause I'm too short to reach the top shelf, shush..) and I take the bag of cereal out.. and I see it... in the corner of the top shelf is a freaking BANANA. A black banana. A black... Maggot infested... banana. What. The. Hell.
So I take it out... put it in a ziplock bag to show the office and pull EVERYTHING out of the cabinets and start cleaning. My boss was PISSED to say the least. Stephanie and I BOTH left exciting and bitchy notes to her and when she called to let us know she wasn't coming back this afternoon we both went off on her.

*The I was asked to stay in infants and clean up her kitchen and make sure everything was labeled. I was in there for 2 1/2 hours doing it. LAME.

*She also has this problem with not labeling things.. like sippy cups. Each child has one. Each one has a lid. The lids are NEVER put back on them so if the lids are off and not labeled and the cups aren't labeled how are you supposed to know which part goes to which cup that goes to which CHILD. It's a pet peeve of mine. A big one. LABEL THEIR BOTTLES AND SIPPY CUPS. It's against licensing to not do so. She could get fired or written up and I would go down with her.

I'm tired of picking up her slack. I have to clean her class, and I'm not even in there anymore. I have to clean up HER rotten banana. I have to label HER sippy cups, bottles, jar food, diapers and wipes because she doesn't. When I was in there I did the bulletin boards, art projects.... -sigh-

Okay. Officially ranted. Go me.

"What we do comes out of who we believe we are." -Rob Bell

My name is Leslie, and I:

*Am full of fears that not even I understand. I am creative but not talented, and that breaks my heart because above all else I want to be able to create things. I get mad easily, but I also get over it very fast. I'm extremely forgiving and don't hold grudges after, either forgive and forget or don't forgive. I've only had three boyfriends and all three have been long term relationships, I don't play around when it comes to love. I've never cheated on someone, but have been cheated on. I was hit by a guy I 'dated' when I was a teen and it's caused me to be very guarded, I don't trust people very easily but once gained it's hard to lose. Because I've been cheated on so much I wonder if I'm enough to make a man happy or if I'm doomed to always fall short. I'm self concious and have been anorexia in the past, and I'm scared to death I'll end up back in that place. I love romantic guys when it's how they are, I hate when people pretend to be something they aren't. My favorite things in life are silly... the feeling of the cold water as I swim, the smell of rain after a big storm. I like to travel and go on road trips because I'm away from everyone and everything and I'm completely free to be whoever I want without limitations and I don't feel that when I'm living my normal life. I want to get married and have children and I have no fear of taking that step, I fear more marrying someone who is doing it because its what your supposed to do. I don't think I can have kids of my own, but am very thankful God gave me a heart that wants to adopt. I want to change the world and make a difference, I would leave for Africa tomorrow if I had the chance to work there. I want to be the change I wish to see in the world. I love change in my life, but fear what it will bring. I'm trusting of God's plan but always seem to think mines better. I'm a "good girl" who finds it annoying that that is a bad thing nowadays. I hate writting blogs about myself because I feel like it makes me seem full of myself, which is weird because that's what a blog is. I have an amazing relationship with God and want to make it even stronger. I want to be a better person, do better things and be in a better place. I want my life to be a fairy tale even though it's cliche. I'm obnoxious and loud when I want to be or extremely shy and reserved when I don't. I'm a lover of people and get along with everyone, but once you hurt me and lose my trust it takes a long time to earn back. I'm searching for a man I can spend my life with, I don't sleep around or date a lot. I hate clingy and jealous guys, they drive me crazy. I've never been with someone who actually seemed to care about me, so I tend to not expect much when I am dating someone..

Uhm.. I'm out of things to say. I hate writing about me....

"By your inflection, I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but...no."

Fall Festival.

On Friday we will:

Make decorations. Hang sheets from the walls to cover the posters and curriculum. Hang decorations on the sheets. Move centers to hidden locations to transform the classrooms into Egypt, A pirate ship, A haunted house, A sports room and an autopsy room.


Saturday we will:

Show up are work at 330. Finish putting up decorations and be dressed and prettyful in our costumes. Work the festival for two hours or whatever.. and then after... tear EVERYTHING DOWN AND CLEAN AND PUT EVERYTHING BACK............. which means I work late Friday and Saturday... all for two hours of fun that I won't be having. Seriously. Who thought this up?
I love my job. Really I do. But I really only have Sunday off this week. So I will have worked 11 days straight with one day off as of next Friday. I BETTER get some awesome overtime for this.
There people better be glad I love kids.



Also, a little rant on parenting. Don't suck at it. Okay?
Seriously. I know parents who stress out over having one three year old for four hours in the evening and freak out over what they will do with them... I have your kid... plus 14 others in my class for TEN hours a day.. by myself. If you can't get your kid to pick up his sippy cup off the floor when you leave... but I can get all 15 to clean up after centers and sit on the carpet QUIETLY for 30 minutes while I read stories, its you. Not them. Don't yell at your children. Don't beat them. Stop sucking at life you are only screwing up things worse. Be better at your job. And to those parents that rock. Thank you. I'm assigning you a buddy and you will teach them all you know. Thanks.

Better late than never!

I've noticed I haven't written in like... three months. Probably because there has been nothing to write about. I do lead a rather boring life and nothing really ever happens...

Caitlyn and I went on our amazing trip to Houston/Galveston and saw Greenday in concert... completing number 16 on my bucket list. Go. Me.

Jason and I don't speak anymore and neither does him and his family. It's for the best right now. He really needs to get his life in order and I really don't need him IN my life. So that's a plus.

Things at work are great. I'm officially in the 3's class now, so I'm back working with my old age group which is fantastic.

/end

"Do the Mario! Swing your arms from side to side. Come on, it's time to go. Do the Mario!"

I'm spending the evening at my exes house watching movies and being stupid. It's pretty much amazing. I'm writing about Megan and she doesn't know. I'm waiting for her to read over my shoulder and giggle... wait for it... wait for it... wait for it... realization has hit. And she hit me. I win.


We are watching the old school Mario Bros animated cartoons... it's crazy how much I used to LOVE this show. It's awful. It has been ruined for me for forever. I shouldn't have watched it again. lol.

Jason is playing WOW. Is there surprise in that? I think not :eyeroll:

I'm trying really hard to let things not worry or stress me out and take things in stride. I'm trying very hard to be a Mary and not have Martha Syndrome. Why is waiting so hard for me? I'm normally a very patient person, but as I'm growing in Christ I find I want more and more instant gratification. I want everything to happen now. I don't want to wait, my timing is best because my timing is NOW. I hate that about me. Mental note to work on that...

Jason just screamed something about an eggplant dolphin. He's going mad.

Megan is a funny girl. She is exactly like me when I was a teenager. She likes anime, reads manga (I read comis cause I'm awesome), kind of a tomboy but in the coolest of ways... not the creepy girl tomboys who try to be LIKE a boy. She is loud and obnoxious, and I still am. It's fantastic. I'm just glad she isn't exactly like I was.

Meow.